Thursday, July 24, 2014

Top Ten Rejected Movies About Heraldry

The following list is shamelessly stolen, being too funny not to share, from “The Quarter, Trimaris’ Perfectly Period Parody Publication,” No. 16,

10.   The Maltese Falcon, Wings Addorsed and Inverted
  9.   The Golpes of Wrath
  8.   Indiana Jones and the Point of Difference
  7.   Moulin Gules
  6.   Manos, the Sinister Hand of Fate, Couped
  5.   C.H.U.D. III - Courageous Heralds Under Duress
  4.   The Kiss of the Pursuivant
  3.   Blazon Saddles
  2.   Dudley Do-Dexter
  1.   My Big Fat Herald Wedding

No doubt the wags among us could come up with some more.  (Casa ArgentThe Sable Escutcheon of FalworthSilence of the Paschal Lambs?  Please stop me before I pun again!)

And, for some reason, seeing all of these heraldically fractured (fracted?)* movie titles reminds me of a song line that a friend of ours came up with a few years ago while we were driving through southern Louisiana (to the tune of the old song, “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” by the Four Lads):

“It’s Baton Rouge, not Baton Sinople now….”

Thanks for that, Tim!  You didn't think I was really listening, did you?

* “Fracted, broken.  See Fesse, Chevron, and downset (dancetty).”  James Parker’s A Glossary of Terms Used in Heraldry, 1894, p. 275.


  1. "Rosenkrantz & Guildenstern Palewise in Bend"
    "The Lion Rampant in Winter"
    "Stars Combatant"

  2. Aslyn...the once and future ScribeJuly 24, 2014 at 10:32 AM

    Thanks you to, I just snarfed in my coffee! I can't wait to re-watch "Indiana Jones and the Point of Indifference (and not so much "My Big Fat Heradlic Wedding)!!" Thanks for the laugh today!

  3. Paul, shouldn't that be "_Mullets_ Combattant"?

    Aslyn, I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't really mean it. Glad you enjoyed these!

  4. And ... from a discussion about this post over on Facebook, we have the following titles:

    From Jay Rudin:

    The Fellowship of the Annulet
    Harry Potter and the Goblet Enflamed Proper
    Snow Argent and the Semé of Dwarves
    The Vert Mile
    A Clockwork Tenné
    The Pimpernel Gules
    The Man Vested of an Iron Mask Proper
    Beauty Dormant
    The Rush Or
    GULES ("Gone Underground; lethally efficient spy")

    From James Felix:

    50 Shades of Argent